i can get a thought…

There’s old music coming from the speakers. Maybe I told it to play; maybe its just playing because that’s what happens next. Either way, the commentary is stilted and halting, same as those few seconds before a girl takes her shirt off in front of you for the first time. All the winning lottery tickets and thousand dollar bills are worthless paper with worthless promises written in blue ink. Instead you’ve waited patiently for months, maybe even years. For a moment you’ve imagined an infinite number of times comes the satisfied reality of satiation.

Every sense is telling you to slow down, to make it last as long as possible. Even if it were possible, the capacity to make a complex choice like that is totally beyond you. Her smile that sweeps the room and the back of your eyes disarms every weapon even before any movement begins. An admix of desire hits you like the flame from a lighter under a spoon, and whatever is left of your ability to maintain your place in space and time fades away. Whether it is useless or unnecessary is an argument for another day. Right now, your dream is unfolding in the movements of a foreign bicep and the crinkle of fabric falling to the floor.

If you could see yourself in the mirror, would it make the whole thing ridiculous? I’ve sat in front of a lot of girls for the first time, and no matter what comes next, no matter how fucked up, no matter how the last phone call is destined to go, the moment always takes my breath away.

I’m sure there are a lot of reasons for this, though almost all of them are pedantic and decidedly democratic. Still, the event is pretty deeply tattooed on the list of moments in life that should always be enjoyed. Regardless of the exterior circumstances, I’m a firm believer in reserving unlimited patience and attention for those few brief moments of spectacular achievement. Theoretically, any of the can’t miss moments could happen at any time, but realistically, you usually ahve at least some warning. Everyone has a different list, but it doesn’t take much imagination to discover the kind of moments most people value to such a degree. I’m told seeing your progeny for the first time is big for most people. Thankfully, I wouldn’t know, but who am I to judge? For all I know it could be akin to watching Pinhead pop out of your old lady’s crack, and lord knows nobody wants to see that.

It was after this most pleasant of philosophical rambling that I noticed almost two hours had passed since I’d been lulled into that odd dimension of thought that occupies so much of my time. Daydreaming might not be an occupation, and it might not pay the bills, but it is a damn fine way to spend an afternoon. One of those damnable maxims that the most enjoyable of activities are always the ones you’ll do for free. That doesn’t work for most people, for obvious reasons. To be fair, it has been my experience that the vast majority of people are uninterested in philosophy under any circumstances. I find that interesting, but even more interesting is the complete lack of understanding of the usefulness of philosophy in day to day life. I blame the schools, inasmuch as blame means a fucking thing here. Truth is always the same; unknown if the proper questions for unasked. Again, not that it matters.

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