you don’t have a clue///

“11500”

i got enough down to make things
bend and wave. ain’t nobody really
looking for much more
than a piece of something
they can’t define
because nobody knows what it is.

long hours pass where knives & guns
can’t hurt me ’cause like Joe Henry
says; “I’m dead to the world.” still,
explanation will do no good.
i’m told you just have to see it for yourself.
1150 milligrams later,
i know something y’all
ain’t never gonna know.

so, we keep looking
for whatever it is we’re
supposed to be looking. propose,
study, learn, experience,
all in the name of something
nebulous. i feel like if i
held some of it,
it would constantly change shape.

i guess i’m laughing
’cause i’m living in this world
but i’m not really living in it.
laughter is my only real weapon
to keep everyone
a few feet away. (we all need
space. nothing personal.)

time machines are everywhere.
memories bring on more laughter,
even when the laughter is sad.
mostly it’s like watching
some movie you used to watch
over n’ over again
when you were younger.
now it’s decades later,
that kid is gone, all you’re
left with is you.
whatcha dono is what to
hold onto.

it took a lot of time to get here;
inspired yawns while spinning along.
like i said, nobody’s ever done
this before; we didn’t
know what to expect.
3 stooges later, i ran into
an 11500 milligram wall and fell over.

now i could explain the why’s,
but i wouldn’t explain anything
so you’d could understand. we do this to
ourselves because
we ain’t lucky enough to make
section D of the local newspaper.

sometimes you just have to trust
your pharmacist. lost in the
moment of wanting to be young again,
it got right on top of me.
my world is distorted,

way past fucked in so many ways;
those chemicals wouldn’t
do a thing to hurt me. next you’ll
be telling me that joint was all wrong
for reasons we’ll never know.

my hands can’t move; i’m still.
when i wake up, i’ll probably do it
again. all kinds of music, lights off
figures dancing on backgrounds
yet to be built.

enough down to make things
bendy n’ wavy. ain’t nobody really
looking for much more
than a piece of something
they can’t define
because nobody knows what it is.
i can’t do it anymore;
11500 can save me & make me laugh,
even if only for a night or two.
————————————–

Dedicated to what happens when you take the easy way out one too many times. Brothers in arms, knowing we’re at the bottom and doing whatever we want ’cause we know we can’t do any better. What else is there, and who the fuck is gonna stop us? That’s right. Because nobody cares, we can find a new freedom even if it leads to walking into walls and falling down stairs. Until there ain’t no more, we are in attack mode. Fuck it. I got a lot left to give.

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