hunger sharpens thought…

time-stamp

it can’t all be easy breezes
pushing the boat around
a masochistic map;
reminders, notes, playful
ignorance of important dates
in the history of
those circling my little world.

all fairly significant milestones
in a historical sense,
even though most scheduled
holidays should be as easy to celebrate
as to remember. same weakness; an
inspired failing on my part
to stick to the schedule or
keep it in mind.

there has to be some consolation.
you’d think i might have mastered
apologies, convinced
by a long history of absent-minded
movement. i keep saying
it ain’t on purpose;
yet it keeps happening. laughing
is usually not the best reaction,
though it is invariably mine.

apologies are at best another
reminder of my original failure
to recall the moment;
i’ve always hit in the low teens
while the league average
has to be above 50%. has
to be.

what gets remembered, what
gets forgotten; such tenacious
repercussions either way. if i
thought it would make things easier
on any of us,
i’d promise to do better. having
tried that several times,
i can assure you it doesn’t;
so i won’t.
but i am.

all that being said,
i can see you are neither
impressed by my candor,
nor assuaged at my guilt. i suppose
it’s never enough to simply
love & respect those that
mean the most to us.

if my faulty recollection
of calender notation for those
celebratory events making
fairly amazing lives overwhelms
my more pleasant characteristics,
i suppose that says something
interesting about priorities.

(whether mine or someone else’s
i’ve yet to figure out.
the quest continues unabated.)

———————————————

I miss a lot of important dates. Anniversaries, birthdays, meetings, responsibilities, agreements, and every other conceivable holiday and significant milestone attached to a specific calendar date. Over the years, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I can be a good friend to someone, or even be someone’s child, and really care about someone and still fuck up every event that is tied in to a specific date. It just happens, it isn’t malicious, and most people that know me understand that sometimes, I’m just gonna miss shit from time to time because I have no specific memory for anything that isn’t a sports related statistic or a theory of how the universe began. Why do you think I don’t tell anyone my birthday, nor celebrate any specific holidays? It’s just easier that way. I know this is a losing battle, and I know nobody will ever agree on me, but considering recent events, I feel it bears repeating. If you are only able to measure the value of friendship or love by comparing the number of scheduled events completed with scheduled events scheduled, you are missing out on a lot of the world. Nothing works on schedule. That includes me. Does this make me unctuous? I’m feeling way too lazy to find out.

Dedicated to anyone who has ever gotten pissed off at the author for missing an important date of any kind. Nothing personal, hope you can understand.

crb.

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5 Responses to “hunger sharpens thought…”

  1. Hehe I am literally the only comment to your incredible article.

  2. amazing writing,
    please visit poets back to return compliments.
    thank you in advance!

    • Thanks kindly for all your comments and support. I will swing by your site soon, I promise. Schedule has been for shit lately…too much going on to have time to write or comment much. Thanks again,

      crb.

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