missing (LGASS part 4)…

missing

come closer.
darkness
ground to sky &
i can hear
the creek gurgling;
i’m hallucinating
summers afternoon
at midnight.
goosebumps give
away the
delusion.

come closer.
i pulled
my hat
way down;
either hiding
from the dark
or
sitting still
in a daylike
night depending
on what
you know.

come closer.
there should
be music
threatening
to boil over
but never really
getting there;
artificial light
alone
won’t mask the
gurgling creek.

please.

come closer.
alone in falsely
lit two ayem
silence is no
way to
conquer
together. i
could help
you slay
your dragons &
maybe
you’d help me
attack
my demons.

i know you can’t
hear me.
i know you won’t
come closer.

you fight alone;

guess i
should do
the same.

i was
askin’ because
i had
to know
for sure.

good luck
to us both.

——————————————————————-

That took a million damn edits and it still sounds like shit. Don’t care, posting it anyway to get LGASS completed and on to whatever comes next. I’m gonna go watch Casablanca and hopefully dream of Ingrid Bergman in 1942.

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30 Responses to “missing (LGASS part 4)…”

  1. yes, I understand your frustration. I’ve been editing & still feeling unsatisfied lately. But it really does read well. And the image of music boiling over is terrific.

    • Thanks, much appreciated. I got so frustrated writing this (well, editing it really, writing is never the frustrating part) that the only thing about to boil over was me. It’s an emotional response (not quite what I was going for but shit, emotion is emotion.)

      crb.

  2. I found it very powerful as written and edited however many times. I love the structure of your poems and this one left me wanting more.

    • Thanks, glad to see the poem did end up getting a good response. I figured I’d get panned for this one! I’m told it is better to leave someone wanting more than overfull, so on that basis, I’ll put it in the ‘win’ column. Thanks for reading.

      crb.

  3. Bergman, huh? indeed she is worth dreaming of. But the poem makes me think – especially with its use of such simple words threaded together to form such a lovely poem. Good work.

  4. Scent of my heart Says:

    “i could help you slay your dragons & maybe you’d help me attack my demons…” Though you say you’re not content with this one, I really liked it and I’d love to attack few demons for you anytime :)! Hallucinating summer afternoons at midnight is what I do all the time, especially now in winter! I can relate so much to your lovely post! Thanks for sharing!

    • Glad you enjoyed, and shit, I can use all the help I can get. So if you see any of my demons in your world, or if I see any dragons that belong to you, we’ll know someone has the others back. (Why do I feel like I’m on the LOST island? hahaha)

      Glad you liked it so much, and thanks much for reading. It is always appreciated.

      crb.

      • Scent of my heart Says:

        My middle name is helpful .. lol I was feeling for a very long time like on the island of LOST …not sure if I’ve left completely, but at least I killed all my dragons, so what’s few demons more 🙂 piece of cake!

      • That’s the attitude. You slayed all your dragons? What’s your secret? hahahaha thx.

        crb.

      • Scent of my heart Says:

        go to my blog and search for a poem called Freedom … there in between the lines is the secret 🙂

  5. smiles. not bad for all the edits…

  6. H2O buddy Says:

    I very much liked your use of repetition – come closer, come closer, come closer – please come closer. I know you can’t hear me. I know you won’t come closer… you fight alone.

    Some things in life must be handled personally before moving on.

    • Ain’t it a bitch when you know what you want as surely as you know you’ll never get it? That was my general intent in the poem as I find myself in precisely that situation. Sucks, but whatever, life goes on and I have The Big Lebowski on DVD to keep me company (and Casablanca.) Totally agree on your last line. Just wish it was easier… thanks as always (and hows the poem coming?)

      crb.

      • And with faith the size of a musyard seed all is possible. Looked up The Big Lebowski to read what it was all about as I had not seen it. I like the cast and the plot seems to take chatacters in many unexpected directions. What do you enjoy about this film? I have been known to read an entire book in a day myself. Do you speed read?

      • Yes, I speed-read. As for The Big Lebowski, it is a neo-noir directed by the Coen Brothers (also did Fargo, Burn After Reading, Men Who Stare At Goats, etc.) I couldn’t even explain the attraction except to say I have loved it from the moment I saw it. It has changed my life, though not in the way most people assume! I will explain more later when I get some time, but go see the movie ASAP! If you have Netflix, I think it is on there for free streaming to your console. Either way, can’t recommend it enough. Check it out and let me know what you think, you will not be disappointed. Always good to hear from ya, hope all is well,

        crb.

      • H2O buddy Says:

        mustard

  7. I’d like to see more of this kind of thing. i get sentimental with these things since this started me out with my own blog.

    thank you for this piece =]

    -kyogakura

  8. powerful.
    the longing to be on the same boat is evidence.
    well done!

  9. signed .............bkm Says:

    it is a great write – far from shit…and the ending is so true…we must fight those demons alone…one by one – though a little support helps….bkm

    • Thanks. I can’t quite remember why I wrote that it sounded like shit, but I guess at the time, that was what I thought. Re-reading it again, I think I can go as far as okay, wich is a big step up from shit but still not quite right. Even Sisyphus takes coffe breaks…hahahaha Appreciate the compliment as always,

      crb.

  10. I think you did an amazing job despite all the editing…it reads very well…I don’t see any s%$## here at all lol 🙂 xxx

    • See above comment that I am still at this moment laughing about. Thanks kindly for reading and the kindness. Always appreciate the votes of confidence. Hope all is well,

      crb.

  11. Loved the dragons/demons interlude. Sometimes it is easier to do it alone, but it’s still nice to dream otherwise. Really nice poem!

    I also struggle with editing, so you’re in good company at Jingle Poetry, where we tend to admit our weaknesses, and all become stronger for sharing them! Amy Barlow Liberatore

    • Yeah, I’m pretty upfront when it comes to my opinions on my own work. I will occasionally risk posting something I’m not 100% sold on as a ‘finished’ product hoping there is something I am missing. Seems like I misread it myself! Thanks for the compliment,

      crb.

  12. im with you on the Casablanca. much of what i write when i try to write about “love” etc comes out like shit, and when i read about it makes me want to gag… but there are bits to this i really like:
    come closer.
    alone in falsely
    lit two ayem
    silence is no
    way to
    conquer
    together.

    that’s all i need. 🙂

    • Yeah, I ruined many a relationship trying to imitate Bogart (or should I say Rick?) Turns out most people seem to think he is quite an asshole on occasion. (sorry, inside joke from a long time ago) Anyhow, glad you dug the poem, I always enjoy reading your work.

      crb.

  13. Scent of my heart Says:

    Another read and still has the same magic effect like the first time I read it … even more, and the dragons look kind of charming …

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