black smoke chronicles part four…

okay eddie.

stalled out this close to
the end, duckin’ too much
thinkin’. honesty can
be a real motherfucker
when it doesn’t go your way.
curled up, knowin’
that fighting two
battles ain’t much
an idea; how ’bout
one?

not that it matters.
everything you want is
gonna come true, but
moving with you like that
almost makes me wanna
want to do it again.
seems dangerous.

if this is acceptance
(maybe i’m reaching?)
no need for anymore
tosses against those sharp
rocks waiting on time & tide
to smooth rough edges. their
patience is infinite where
mine is jest; wannabe
laughter from a
strangled throat.
i can’t speak as you
flee like a ghost
in the breeze.

—————————————

Dedicated with what I’ll charitably call ironic hipness, and I’m not hip. At all. Trust me. Not real charitable either, but that one can be explained by poverty so fuck it, right? Also, no, I haven’t posted BSC part 3 yet; don’t worry. It will be up soon whomever keeps clicking on part one.

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18 Responses to “black smoke chronicles part four…”

  1. powerful imagery,
    well done.
    Thanks a ton for the support.

    A+

  2. moondustwriter Says:

    I would agree that there is ironic hipness here. You tumble alot around in those waves – honesty, patience, recklesness and just life

    thanks for sharing with One Shot
    I love poems that are like steak you have to get your incisors in there.

    Moonie smiles

    • And you are bumped up next on my reading list! Thanks for the heavy compliment, feel like “honesty, patience, recklessness and just life” pretty well sums up my writing. This poem is uber-layered & actually can be correctly interpreted about 10 different ways. Bring on the incisors. I try not to do fluff unless there is some payoff. lol.

      crb.

  3. powerful imagery in there and lots of room to make one think and get your mind travelling on a hundred different roads…strong and tight write!

    • Thanks Claudia. Glad you liked it. It is no doubt a tangled fucked up world we live in and in chronicling the mood I’ve a somewhat distinctive voice. Anyhow, I’m long winded too. Thanks again for the visit,

      crb.

  4. reads with emotional turbulence like the crashing seas. “their patience is infinite where mine is jest;” Witty twist on that phrase. Powerful write, crb!

  5. lol, lol, smiling smiling lol, not hip huh!!! lol ok!
    now on to your piece…sometimes one reads and rereads and get caught up by one word or a phrase well I do lol…I like this “I can’t speak as you flee like a ghost in the breeze.”…the willingness is there but there is no one there… 😦
    thanks for sharing…

    • Well, I’m always fishing for compliments, so I’ll consider it a success. Glad you could get caught up in that particular phrase; I am very happy with how that came out. Always a pleasure to share. Seems like I owe you a visit.

      crb.

  6. nice…love the vividness of this…and tell it like it is…as we ride the emotional rollercoaster…

  7. Honesty can indeed be a real mother when it doesn’t go your way–I’ve popped quite a few balloons myself that way. Nice cadence in this one, CF–it makes it seem deceptively mild and conversational til you start to think about things, and then the end wallops you. “their patience is infinite while mine is jest” Just a very satisfying piece.

    • I’ve been practicing with my knives to make sure when I write it draws blood. Glad it satisfied, the poem itself was meant as slow burn with a sharp ending. Glad it came through the wire correctly. Agree with your conclusion on honesty; essential in poetry and a viper in real life. Most excellent that you enjoyed, thanks for the compliment. Take it easy,

      crb.

  8. The kind of poem you want to read over and over and each read presents a different image, a new challenge. Yes, do consider it a success. You are a voice for your generation.

    Mine: http://liv2write2day.wordpress.com/2010/12/29/song-of-songs-one-shot-wednesday/

    • Sorry, couldn’t help grinning at your compliment. Let us all hope I am not the voice of any generation, especially mine. My generation of lazy spoiled suburban white males is a joke that anyone would find amusing were we not heading for a second great depression. Thanks very much for the compliment though, it is always good to know I’ve struck a nerve. I will read your poem & comment shortly. Always good to hear from you!

      crb.

  9. signed .............bkm Says:

    I love how you write …like words rolling off the tongue…the image is painted right with them…excellent…you have a Great New Year….bkm

    • Well only if you do the same. I consider it as a huge compliment coming from a writer I admire as much as yourself. Glad you enjoyed reading here at TFBP and hope our paths cross again in the new year (I’m sure they will be, at least poetically speaking!) Happy New Year’s & take care.

      crb.

  10. There’s a hipster flow to this. It works well. Good stuff.

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